I have to go to the bathroom!

I have to say that as the months have gone by and there is less and less room in my abdomen for my bladder, I have become quite a connoisseur of public restrooms. Many of you may think that there are only 2 grades of bathroom Clean and Dirty. But that is simply not true. Yes, cleanliness is a huge part of the ladies room experience, however it is only a part of the bigger picture. Let's explore some of these aspects of grading a public restroom.

First of all, are there adequate numbers of stalls? In smaller venues, a one toilet bathroom may suffice, but usually they need enough space for multiple stalls because women generally have to pee a lot. Also, if someone has some bad public restroom etiquette such as clogging a toilet or leaving a large mess, it's nice to have other options of where to relieve yourself. For me, it's very important to have multiple toilets available to keep the lines moving.

Next, you want to look at overall cleanliness. Does the bathroom SMELL like a bathroom? Is there paper towels and toilet paper on the floor? Are the doors rusted or chipping paint? Are the sinks covered with water and spilled soap? Any combination of these things is a deal breaker for me, however when there's a miniature person laying across your bladder full of lemonade you'll make due with what you have available.

The last level of my criteria has to do with extra amenities and personal touches to make your bathroom experience special. A simple decorative box of Kleenex or Bath and Body Works hand lotion can really take your bathroom visit to the next level.

So I would like to conclude with a few reviews of some places that I've had the privilege of peeing in.

In no particular order.

1) The Fish Market...a lovely restaurant in San Diego. You would expect a pretty decent ladies room but they broke Rule #1: there was only one toilet and guess what? It was clogged by someone who's stomach didn't agree with the catch of the day. Not cool. Luckily for them, they had a second ladies room in the bar area. The lovely smell of baked goods and fancy folded paper towels definitely added points, but I was still a little peeved from what I had witnessed just moments before.

2) Airbase Carpet and Tile. Sounds industrial doesn't it? You may expect cinder blocks and a shortage of toilet paper but no! I was delightfully surprised by the facilities at the store where we purchased our laminate flooring for the kitchen. An automatic light when you enter, 3 rooms stalls to choose from, blue toilet water (that's just classy), and of course gorgeous tile on the floor and walls! It IS a tile store after all. Overall I give Airbase 2 thumbs up. I even made a point to use it a second time when we had to go back for an extra box of flooring.

3) The Bayard House restaurant where we went for Valentine's Day. This was a tough one. There were 2 stalls to choose from. The lighting was soft and elegant. There was a bottle of lavender scented hand soap and flowers on the vanity. HOWEVER, they really had to squeeze 2 stalls in there. The doors opened into the stalls and the toilets were very close to the front of the stall. It made it very difficult to navigate The Belly around the door to get in and out. I almost had to stand on the toilet to open the door! Now it IS a historic inn and therefore they are extremely limited on their space, however I'm glad that we went before I really started to get fat!

4) Chik-Fil-A...Bear,DE location. Now this is the cream of the crop so far. Not only does Chik-Fil-A have a lovely menu, amazing staff, and the best milkshakes ever...but they really know how to go that extra mile to make the whole dining experience memorable. After drinking 2 cups of iced tea (they come to your table and refill it for you...seriously!) I had to make a pit stop before we continued on our adventure the other day. I walked into the spacious ladies room and had my choice of not 2, not 3, but 4 sparkling toilets to pee in. There I found something amazing. There was not a box of cheap tissue toilet seat covers. No, there was something grander...an antibacterial foam that could be wiped on the seat before sitting down! Amazing! No sliding around, worrying about if the edge is sitting in the bowl slowly wicking up the pee water. And the toilet paper...3 ply no less! Finally, at the sink I found a very pretty Corian countertop with a vase of flowers, MATCHING box of real Kleenex and a bottle of Vaseline Intensive Care hand lotion. Bravo Chik-Fil-A! Bravo! I felt rejuvenated and ready to continue on our day of running errands.

So the lesson here is, the next time you're out and about, even if you don't have to go, take a minute to check out the facilities...you might be pleasantly surprised!